Zara Swan; the metamorphose butterfly
Updated: May 22, 2022
By: Interview with Zara Swan she/her
Model, Adult Porn Actress; Transwoman of our new Generation of an enlightened journey to exude feminine power.
April 25, 2022
On May 18th of 2022 I had the anticipated pleasure of finally meeting Zara Swan in person for our planned photoshoot at the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada for a mid-day extravaganza of an artistic merge. My experience was epic in so many ways, as she sashayed with these enchanting crystal blue eyes which are undeniably luminous and iridescent to stare back at. She was everything and more of what I expected, as well photographing her was effortless. As she has this playfully kind demeanor to her every move. The first image below, my camera lens was not polished on my phone, since I film all of my images from my cell phone and not an actual camera but realized the haze of the light was perfectly set for this image, as a subtle error of preparation. Before we met, she and I had a very in-depth conversation over the telephone as she described her life to me and how she sees the world around her.
*Zara Swan photographed at the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada ~ 5.18.2022
(Rosemarie) I have always been intrigued with the human figure especially those who love their body at any size. Yet, when I photograph my model women in the past, it just seems as I film individuals who are slender, they as an example, seem to be more apprehensive on how they look in a picture, and critique every little detail about their physique. Even though they love their physical form, they will still find words to describe what they hate about their bodies. Why do we do that? You know, when we have beautiful legs, but then an ounce of cellulite is showing, we have to verbally fret about it which then gives us a higher anxiety to look perfect. All women are beautiful, and in my experience when she becomes larger in size, she just accepts her body as it is, in that moment and poses with more ease than someone who is slender. Wouldn't you agree?
We tend to be so concerned with all aspects of our body during many times in our lives, and by constantly scrutinizing how we look in the mirror, we then become too judgmental about our breast size, or cellulite on our derriere or even those inner thighs. So, when I photograph my plus size models, they tend to embrace all of their curves more easily it seems. This is the type of exhibitionism that I love the most, as to when we are so comfortable in our bodies that we are simply more expressive on film and enjoying the moment. And basically, don't give a shit. Can I say that? That is the type of exhibitionism in which I love. To me, plus size women are not afraid to express themselves or become overly self-conscious of how they look, compared to a slender woman. Now let's talk bathing suits. When a woman is modeling lingerie, the emotions strung along with that to be 'perfect' is more prevalent, than when she is letting her hair down while wearing a bikini. But no matter what goes through her head while that person is modeling, it is eventually nice to release that unnecessary anxiety and just to have fun being photographed.
Now, secondly for me, I have always been intrigued with drag queens, as well as the trans world. And I've never actually photographed drag queens yet would like to sometime in the future. This leads me to going into another art form of filming a transwoman in her purest identity. It's honestly wanting to be expressive and feeling alive and beautiful in our own skin, no matter how we judge ourselves or society for that matter. So, without further ado I am over the moon that you want to photograph with me, so thank you so very much. ~ Rosemarie Zack
*Photographed at the luxury suite in the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada ~ 5.18.2022
(Zara) I am so glad that you openly expressed that, and I do appreciate it. So, the first thing, like obviously I am on the skinnier side myself, as a model. I totally get where you are coming from. And I have observed the same thing. I think the best way to put it, like archetypal body image. You see a lot of Instagram influencers and model types who have sizes zero through six, something like that, where they tend to be a little more pensive and sort of insular of how they come across in their imaging. Then when I see Lizzo for example, I have great admiration for her as well as Megan Thee Stallion, and other architypes who are in the gambit in terms of their size and their body image. And you get blown away at how confident “in their skin” of how they are. Then this leads to my second point, which is honestly I do struggle with my own insecurities. There are two people who most inspire me to be as vulnerable as I am, are the Counting Crows front man, and Demi Lovato. In Demi’s case she has struggled with eating disorders and I did too back in my college years. Whenever I have seen interviews of Demi and others talking about struggling with eating disorders, I was able to empathize to a pretty considerable degree I don’t emaciate myself anymore since 2012, but you always have echoes of those incidences of insecurities or reservations about yourself in some form or another. For me, I just want to openly acknowledge that because I kind of see how self-confidence and self-doubt has played on a continuum. And to instill a sense of awareness and broader relational empathy.
I know that there is an imperfect terminology to describe those who are kind of defining the rigid constructs of body frames and body image;
I have noticed when I wanted to find my place in the world back in 2010 when I was trying to find my place with how I fit in, I saw a lot of my struggles and experiences kind of mirrored with theirs. Especially when I was starting to become what I am today. But back then I identified as gender-queer at the time, and I had not come out as a woman. It was in 2014 that I came out as a woman, and that was 8 years ago. However, before that I was still in the process of trying to question myself and figure out where I fit into the grand scheme of things. For a while, I was identifying as gender queer. So, that was kind of chaotic and I felt like I was lamenting my struggles as well as finding my place as a model. And then struggling to be accepted on runways, and photoshoots as well. From that, you have to realize to stick together and have solidarity through all of this. With all of that said, I have a great affinity and mutual respect for those in that community and others who are changing the game and making themselves vulnerable and merging into the forefront to be seen.
(Rosemarie) This could not have happened in the 70’s. There was not a true social consciousness in the world back then, or even in the eighties, the acceptance of seeing someone transgender seemed to evolve in the past 10 to 15 years where there is now social media on the subject of being trans. Especially when Caitlyn Jenner came out, everyone then was beginning to talk about it and she made a magnitude of impact. And to me that publicity of awareness was probably this biggest transition noted socially where it hit all news media, on an international level. I guess what I am saying, is that I think your life would be different if you were living in the 70’s and coming out as a transwoman. As of today, it is such a blessing because we are so open minded with everything going on with the changes in our world, and the avenue of having social media post about it while bringing it the attention for the masses. I cannot even imagine how emotionally difficult it is for a male gender going to a female figure (or vice versa) with all that you still have to face on a daily basis, with yourself and with society. When you mentioned “gender dysphoria” what is that exactly?
(Zara) It encompasses people in different ways. My personal experience, for me I have a severe form of gender dysphoria. As an example, say that I am preparing for a photoshoot and I am struggling to find help with makeup or hair, but especially the makeup aspect of it all. I like to look very fem. If the person who is going to help with my makeup and perhaps, they have something come up in their lives, which I understand on their end, then I scramble trying to find someone else to replace them. Ending up having anxiety attacks with the process of doing something that should be easy, but now finding another makeup artist who specializes in trans cosmetics. Maybe I begin to hyperventilate, and I would just have depression set in, and get into a “head fog” in the moment trying to figure it all out. I then lose a sense of groundedness, and then things kind of spiral emotionally for me. There are similarities when you have anxiety attacks where you have psychothemia which is the lack of ability to concentrate, which is a sporadic depression, things like that.
How gender dysphoria impacts me emotionally I get symptoms of like a sense of inferiority complex. We live in a very visually eccentric world, and sometimes I feel like the pressure is on by how I appear. And even though most of these thoughts are in my head, the reality of my experiences is very real, and I have this performative aspect in my head that I want to live up to my own expectations.